Midlife Crisis… In My 30s

Midlife Crisis… In My 30s by : Mariah V

 I think I’m going through a midlife crisis…

In my 30s.

Is that even normal?

Let alone healthy?

Most folks don’t start spiraling until their 50s maybe late 40s at best.

But nope. Here I am.

Crisis mode.

Full-on existential meltdown… in my 30s.

Great.

Let’s just go ahead and add that to the growing list of issues I didn’t ask for.

Man, this sucks.

Just the other day, I looked in the mirror

Stared at myself for 15 minutes straight.

And something snapped.

I said, “I’m done.”

Grabbed the scissors…

And cut it all off.

My hair. Gone.

Just like that.

Then I stared again.

At the new me.

Didn’t know if I looked free or if I’d completely lost my mind.

But there I was.

Short hair. Blank stare. Silent scream.

But wait it gets better.

A few days later, I drove past a tattoo shop.

Did I keep driving? Nope.

I pulled in.

Came out with a tree on my arm.

Why a tree?

Because on my morning run

Well… jog.

Okay… walk.

I saw this tree that reminded me of my tree.

The one I used to climb as a kid.

God, I loved that tree.

It stood tall, strong, wild—until a storm knocked it down.

Just like that.

And maybe this crisis ain’t my fault.

Maybe it’s society’s.

Maybe it’s the generation before us,

Who drew up the rules and handed us a script—

And like fools, we followed.

Believing that if we checked all the boxes,

If we stayed in line,

If we worked hard enough

Life would… make sense.

What a lie.

Now I’m in my 30s, sitting in the rubble of broken promises,

Asking myself:

Is there a purpose left to fulfill?

Where’s my control?

Where’s the meaning?

Am I gonna die one day and realize

I spent my life playing a game I never wanted to join?

This wasn’t on my bingo card.

Not the tree.

Not the scissors.

Not the screaming into the void.

Do I even have free will?

Free will to choose.

To change.

To say “screw this” without feeling guilty.

To walk away without apologizing.

To cry and cut my hair and get tattoos and start over and still be whole.

Having a midlife crisis in my 30s?

Absolute bullshit.

But you know what?

Free will…

Over this crisis.

I’m taking it back.